Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Out of the Woods

this was more fun! The assignment: you will be presented with the opening sentence of a famous (or not so famous) book. You are to write a story using the same first sentence; 

Dodie Smith’s “I Capture the Castle” whose opening sentence is:
I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.


I write this sitting in the kitchen sink because it’s the only place that’s safe. I don’t know what the little bastards are, but they're mean and there’s a lot of them.

They came from the woods. I suppose it’s my own fault, sort of. Something was getting into the trash cans, so I put out live traps. Figured I’d catch ‘coons or 'possums raiding the garbage. Boy, was I wrong!

I went out the next morning and there was one of those little buggers in the trap. Snarling and glaring with pure hate. It was only about eight or nine inches tall, slick gray hide mottled with ugly purple. And teeth, it had nasty, yellow, pointy teeth. Lots of ‘em. Along with nasty, black claws. I may have screamed.

So I got a shovel out of the shed, prepared to beat the shit out of it. Of course, I couldn’t do that with the cage closed, and I wasn't about to open it. So I got the garden hose, prepared to drown the critter.

It didn’t drown. I hit it with the water and it screeched an awful snarly screech. Then it shriveled up like a raisin and fell into pieces. I may have screamed again.

But at least it was gone and my garbage was safe.

Hah!

I was fixing my supper when I heard the trash can lid hit the ground. “Damn,” I thought, “ there can’t be another one.”

But oh yeah, there was another one, or twelve or twenty. And they were pissed. It wasn’t just the trash they were after this time.

I went out yelling, intending to grab the hose and “raisin” the whole bunch of ‘em. It’s my belief that’s what they were waiting for. I wasn’t two steps out the door before they were after me. I know I screamed then.

I hightailed it back inside, but them sonuvabitches is quick. They got inside with me.

I couldn’t get to the bathroom, so I ended up here in the sink. I’ve got the dish sprayer, and I “raisined” a couple. I managed to reach a grill fork and stabbed another two or three, they bleed foul smelling, yellow yuck, but that doesn’t seem to kill ‘em. Just slows ‘em down a bit.

The water is what gets ‘em. They’ve backed off for a while. I’m not sure where they went, but I’ll be damned if I’m getting out of the sink.

Shit, I think I hear ‘em coming back. They sound kinda gleeful…

18 comments:

  1. Yikes! Maybe they're related to the Wicked Witch? (yeah, that was lame, but I'm un-coffee'd at the moment).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was pretty good for no coffee. I'd not even have been able to type with no coffee.
      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  2. "Raisin" the whole bunch of em. Hahahha. Oh this was so wickedly delightful, Renee!I love this story! And the ending is perfect! The repetitive screams are the icing on the cake. So glad you joined up!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Stephanie! This really started as a real horror tale. But things just got out of hand

      Delete
  3. What the hell are those things?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a great narrative voice! And funny. "Raisining," heehee...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cam! Once we'd raisined the first one, I couldn't help myself. Narrative voice? ooooh, I like it.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how the occupant of the sink felt. Heehee.
      Thanks for reading, Marian

      Delete
  6. This is a great narrative. Like everyone else, I love the way you use "raisining" in this. It amuses me! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! The more I wrote the more I amused myself. I'm kinda goofy that way.

      Delete
  7. Ha, I really loved this. Reminded me of the old 80's horror movie Ghoulies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I never saw Ghoulies, but I was having flashbacks of Gremlins and Critters

      Delete
  8. I love how they were coming back gleefully - I can only imagine that the sprayer isn't going to work next time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank for reading! I'm sure whatever made them gleeful, has to be bad news for the sink sitter.

      Delete
  9. I sure hope that they don't know how to turn off the water...

    Eeek!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a concern...
      And they were sounding pretty pleased with themselves.

      Delete