Friday, February 1, 2013

The Boy

Week #4

This week's book is the  Margret Atwood’s classic, The Handmaid’s Tale, whose opening sentence is:
We slept in what had once been the gymnasium.
here is my offering;




We slept in what had once been the gymnasium. I'm sixteen now, so me and Gram and some of the men is on roundup.  Roundup is where we go out to the old, hardpack trails and find other peoples looking for a safe place to stay.  Cause most places isn't safe. That's why the fedment wants everyone to live in partments under they law.

But it got night so we stayed in the gymnasium.  That's what Gram called it.  She said it was a part of schoolclass where kiddos practiced sportplay.

I never had school. They stopped when I was two. Gram said a lot of things stopped when the sick came.  Gram said a lot of peoples died.  Like my dad, and big sis.  I don't remember them.

Gram is got a freespace. Fams get they own househome to live in and a little dirt to grow veges and berrifruit. Some fams share they dirt to grow beefs and porkers for food. And some grow different kinds a woolies to get they hair for making wear and covers. And we use they milks for soapbars.

Mama says they used to be mallmarkets to get all that stuff for money.  I don't understand what she means.  We trade things we make good for things other people make good.  I seen money, but it doesn't look like it's good for anything.

Gram shows new people stuff they can learn to make so they can trade for what they don't.  Sometimes partment people sneak out to trade stuff the fedment give 'em for freemade stuff. They say our foods is better tasted than what they get.

They bring tronics and metals and meds to trade. We dont make many meds. We use herbleafs. But sometimes that's not enough.

Metals get made into pretties or tools. We use the tronics to hear netspeak. That's how we know its time for roundup.   

Peoples get on the freenet and say they going to find space and what way they is going. The bad part is bandies listen too. Sometimes on roundup we find peoples robbed and dead. Sometimes we help peoples get away.

The peoples that lived will come to Gram's freespace or keep on to find they own.  We hope they get luck.  Some just go to the partments so they don't have to work dirt. 

Working dirt is hard, but I get all I need from it.  Gram showed me growing and puttinup.  And I can make my own wears and covers from woolie hair. I can cut it off the woolies and spin it. Then I can weave and knit for pieces of wear.

Sometimes I trade my makes for tools to make dirt work easy. Sometimes I trade for pretties.  Mama trades for books if she can find 'em.  She tries to show me how to see the words. Its hard, but I can know some of 'em. 

She says I need to know more so I remember how to make stuff. And learn to make new stuff. So I try hard as I can.  I seen pics of stuff I want to know how to make. Mama has lots of pics. Sometimes they make her cry. She won't say why.

One of the fams here has a girl kiddo I like. She makes pretties and she makes good wears. She can know a lot more words than me too. She helps me know some. 

I hope when I get my own househome and dirt she will like to work it with me. 

17 comments:

  1. This is terrific! The tone, the pacing, and most importantly, the language--all perfect! Seriously, this needs to become a novel.

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    1. Thank you so much! This is way different for me. I'm glad you liked it.

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  2. Agreed. Original, well paced and toned. I like it. I can see this as the germ of a book, but I don't think the whole thing should be written like this - it'll turn most readers off.

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    1. Thanks, Eric! No worries about a book, this was strictly written as flash fiction. I don't think I could channel this boy through an entire novel. ;-)

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  3. Wow! The language here is incredible!

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  4. WOW!!! I love your use of "new" words here - it really adds to the charm and stylish language.

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    1. Thanks, it was easier than I thought it might be when it was still in my head.

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  5. i agree that the tone would be hard to write and to read for an entire book, but to me the most interesting concept of any kind of post apocalyptic world is the retaining of humanity. i love the way this portrays what could happen when focus on history is overlooked in the face of survival. my absolute favorite was that money didn't look like it would be good for much, pointing out that the thing that spins the world as we know it around in the end is nothing but paper. Very well done.

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    1. Shannon, thank you so much! That is exactly what I was trying to portray. The things that become important are not the same when survival is the target.

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  6. I had a hard time letting this story end. I wanted more! Wonderful twist on what could be interpreted as an apocolyptic world. You're always fun to read, Renee.

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    1. Thank you, Dani. Its good yo have someone to bounce ideas off now too!

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  7. Puttinup and pretties. What more does a girl need? Seriously, though, this was a great dystopian vignette, and would make a great prologue. I loved the way you adapted his language to include some of the ways we've changed ours.

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    1. Thank you, Cam! I love making up my own words, so this was not too hard to imagine tor me.
      I was intrigued by the thought of needing to rebuild a sense of community also.

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  8. I love the tone you used to write this. I think it would be so hard to write that for a longer piece, but I like it because you really get into the head of the character and see the world from a totally different point of view. I would love to read more of this story.

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    1. Thank you, it was a different direction for me. I definitely wouldn't want yo write much more this way. I really had to watch my bad grammar. To make sure it matches.

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