Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Finishing the Job

Trifecta: Week Seventy-One

Congratulations to first and second place this weekend!  And I'm so excited to have been chosen for third!  Thanks to all that sent me congrats. 
This one stumped me for a while, I hope I got the prompt right...

On to this week's one-word prompt which, this week, is inspired by the recent arrival of the Hong Kong monsoons and the start of April in general.

rain (transitive verb)
1: to pour down
2: to give or administer abundantly <rained blows on his head>

Please remember:
  • Your response must be between 33 and 333 words. 
  • You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post. 
  • The word itself needs to be included in your response. 
  • You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above. 
  • Only one entry per writer. 
  • If your post doesn't meet our requirements, please leave your link in the comments section, not in the linkz. 
  • Trifecta is open to everyone. Please join us. 

Arlen Jeffs exited the elevator on the twelfth floor.  It was near midnight, far too late for a legitimate business meeting.  But then, his business was far from legitimate.

"Bruce Darden" was the name etched on the brass nameplate.  The door was unlocked as promised, he entered and crossed the outer office.  

The man was waiting within his private office.  Arlen scanned the room quickly.  The dim lighting was enhanced by the full moon shining through the panoramic window on the outer wall.  A mahogany desk dominated the room, it sported a photo of Darden with his arm around a petite brunette, palm tree and the blue of an ocean in the background. Jeffs had a picture of the same brunette in his pocket. 

Darden stood at the window, his back to Jeffs. "Is she dead?" he asked as he watched the light traffic through the glass.

"You're free of her."

"Then I suppose you're here for your pay."  Darden turned away from the view and reached to the desk. He pulled a heavily stuffed envelope from the center drawer.

"The full amount is here, count it, I don't want any mistakes."  As he turned to Jeffs, his eyes focused in fear on the gun pointed at him.

As Darden backed against the window, Jeffs fired.  The silencer muffled the shot, but it couldn't mute the sound of the window giving way to Darden's body as it fell backward, the envelope following him.

As Arlen Jeffs looked down at the scene below, he was joined by the brunette from the photos.  He unconsciously wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"You okay, Jenny?"

"Yes, Daddy, I'm okay."  Together they watched the rain of bills settle around her husband's broken body.


  1. Ohhhhhh yet another good one. I always love the twisted ending. Too fun! Too fun! And Daddy is a hero!!

  2. Nice! A thriller with a satisfying ending. Great job.

  3. I love the twist too!! It's so satisfying when the bad guy gets his just desserts-and how sweet that the good guy was Jenny's dad:)

  4. Very taut and tense, well crafted. Whether dad was the good guy is questionable, but I love a good anti-hero.
    Katie atBankerchick Scratchings

  5. I think he got what was coming to him. It's late and I'm tired, so I'm sure it's just me, but I can't figure out why her husband would hire her dad to kill her.

  6. Hahaha Did he pick the wrong hitman! Nice noir tale.

  7. So many wonderful elements here: noir, a hit gone bad, and as kymm above mentioned, the wrong hit man!

  8. Love it... reminded of something but not sure what.. Excellent..x

  9. Great twist. I love the descriptive words which created a lot of atmosphere. Ditto on Bee's noir comment.

  10. Wow!Love the surprise end!Your smooth narrative reeled me in right from the beginning-a great job Renee:-)

  11. Haha! Now that bring new meaning to the phrase,'Daddy's Girl."

  12. Love the twist!

    Tui Snider

    Twitter: @mentalmosaic

  13. Everyone likes to see a fink get their due. Good twist.