Thursday, February 9, 2012

Arrival

Write On Edge: Red-Writing-Hood
 Pick four numbers, each between 1 and 10.
Write them down so you remember.
The first number will be for your character, the second your setting, the third the time and the fourth will be the situation.
Then take the four elements and combine them into a short story.
All four you picked MUST be your main elements, but you can add in other characters, settings, times and situations.     




He looked through the large front window, a faint glow from behind the counter told him someone was getting started. As he lingered on the sidewalk, debating his next move, the door unlocked behind him. He jumped at the loud click of the thumb key. The door swept open, odors of brewing coffee, frying bacon, and oven fresh biscuits caressed him on their way out.


     "Good morning, sweetie! C'mon in, you’re just in time for breakfast." He stood a moment, assessing the owner of the invitation. Average in height, not chubby, but not thin either. He judged her to be about forty. Her light brown eyes lit by the first rays of winter sunlight. She smelled of flour and butter and soap.


     "Don't just stand there, son, get inside. Welcome to Katrina's Kitchen. I'm Katrina Crowe. But, don't you call me Katrina!  You call me Katie." She snagged one of his elbows and steered him through the door. She walked him to the counter where he sat hesitantly on a stool.  He'd been told he could find help at the restaurant in Renewal.  


     "What'll it be for breakfast, sweetie? Omelet, biscuits and gravy. Pancakes?" She danced around the dining area, flipping switches, filling the room with light. On her return to the counter she filled a mug with fresh, hot coffee and set it in front of him. "Don't talk much, huh?"


     "I guess I've just gotten out of the habit. Been traveling alone." He sipped the coffee, the mug pleasantly warm in his hand after the chill outside.  “Actually, I’m looking for someone. I guess a relative of yours. Caroline Crowe. A…friend told me to look her up.”


Katie raised her eyebrows, “A friend? Caroline was my grandmother. She’s passed 25 years ago.” She thought to herself, “who could possibly have sent this troubled man to see Gram."

 He looked startled. “I'm sorry, I had no idea…” he trailed off, looking confused.

“Well, Gram left me the diner, amongst other things. Maybe I can help you.”


“What? Oh, no he just said to tell her hello.” He looked around the room, anywhere but at Katie.


She took a leap, “ No one ever came to see Gram just to say hello. They came to Gram for help. I didn’t only inherit the diner.” She looked directly into his face, hoping he’d understand what she meant.

         Instead he changed the subject.  "You know, breakfast sounds good, but I'm short on cash. I can probably just buy my coffee." Sometimes that admission got him a free meal. Sometimes it got him an invitation to leave.


        Katie took the hint, “Down on your luck, huh?” She continued moving about the dining room, an unconscious routine playing out as she spoke. “I can spare a meal now and then, for someone I know. What’s your name, son?”


“Uh, Jonah. Pierson.”


“OK, I know you now. What sounds wonderful this morning?”








This is a piece of my Nano project.  Jonah was first introduced here I picked numbers 6, 4, 1, and 2.

12 comments:

  1. I re-read Jonah's other piece, just now, and I'm so glad. I got the sense in the beginning that there's a predator in this character. Great job with that subtle showing. And there's an interesting continuity with time and the Gran. I like where this is going.

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    1. Thank you Cameron!
      Jonah was supposed to be a one hit wonder. Then" someone" suggested nanowrimo. And poof! some craziness popped out.

      Delete
  2. So glad I went back and read the previous posting. Poor Jonah. Though hopefully he doesn't get too attached to this lady, we wouldn't want every encounter he has with a woman to end in that way. This piece is really nicely done, brings out how chipper Katy is, and how very wary Jonah is.

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    1. Thank you for reading both. And I'm glad my characters came through well for you.

      Delete
  3. Katie is such a great representative of the fairy-godmother archetype, but with a pleasingly human pragmatic element. And Jonah definitely makes me curious! Good Stuff!

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    1. Thank you!
      I love the fairy godmother reference. There is a little more to Katie, as there is to Jonah.

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  4. I love that the odors caressed him, simply brilliant. I think the point of view jumped mid-scene, but I love where this is going. Excellent story progression and I'm looking forward to what happens next.

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    1. Thank you!
      You're right, I tried to combine two parts and evidently lost the continuity. I'll watch out for that in the future.

      Delete
  5. I am intrigued. I see a lot of opportunity and potential here. That diner sort of jumped out at me as a place that holds stories.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by!
      And oh yes, that diner has seen some things....

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  6. I don't think I read Jonah's first piece, but I liked this so went back to catch up. Now I'm really intriuged! I'm interested to see what sort of help he was looking for at Renewal. Even the name of the diner seems to hold more than just words on a sign...

    Nice job Renee! You've done a great job humanizing a predator, and I can see how, in a longer work, we could either end up really rooting for him or really rooting against him, depending on how he reacts to future situations.

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  7. Your first paragraph was so good. I could see it, hear it, smell it. The description was fantastic, and I totally feel like I've had that same sort of "dance at the door" while trying to decide whether or not to go in.

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