Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Mist

This week, I want you to take me there.

Where is up to you: Someplace real? Imaginary? From your past? In your future? It can be fiction or creative non-fiction. But make your descriptions so rich that I can’t help but feel like I’m right there.

What do you see? What does the air feel like? Smell like? What are you stepping on? Who else is there with your character or you? Time? Weather?

Close your eyes, paint the picture in your mind, and then use your words to paint it for me.

You have 200 words. Go. For. It! Take me there, baby! Then come back Friday and link up!

If Naddnē closed her eyes, she could strip away the years. See the forest that framed her

The smell of trees pushing up from fertile earth.  Multiple greens gracing their boughs.  The promise of fruits, full of sticky sweetness dripping down chubby cheeks and chins.

A symphony of bird song, dadeedeedee, cheercheerprettyprettypretty, beebeebee,the melody underscored by the heavy drone of honey bees. Feathers fluttering in the in leaf tinted light.

Children playing games, hiding, chasing, their high pitched giggles filling the treetops and

She opened her eyes.

The trees were dull through the mist.  The dripdripdrip of moisture from leafless limbs.
Listless clack of broken branches against sodden trunks.

No birdsong, no nests in the empty trees. No buzz of bees, or fluttering wings.

No children running through the moldy leaves. The sweet, sickly smell of rot released with each squishing step.

Only Naddnē, trying to wish back the multiple green of the leaves.

Naddnē was first introduced here , she's a part of me, I think.


  1. My comment maybe got gobbled up, so I'll try again :)

    I loved the auditory cues in this; it really made me feel present in the piece.

    I think you did a great job, especially considering you described two sides of the same coin. I truly hope she is able to find a way to reclaim her home and get rid of the mist.

  2. Like Angela, I love the sound cues here, especially your onomatopoetic birdsong.

    The contrast here is very effective, by showing it to us twice the picture has depth and texture.

  3. I can totally smell it, great post.

  4. This spiked all senses - loving it.
    You could link this up at my B.H and/or read my book review if you liked.

  5. The forest sounds delightful, at least the first one you presented. The sounds are clear to me (which is nice for a change being almost deaf), and then the sharp contrast to the forest dying just blows me away.


    In case you didn't see my response to your question, yes there is more. There is 20+ chapters more. You might remember the story since for a while it was a larger focus of my writing before Weathered really started moving along. This is my "Lord of the Rings" like story.

  6. I really enjoyed this entry. There was a grammatical mistake, a phrase repeated twice, but no biggie. Your imagery pulled me into the setting and I was hooked and wanted to find out more about what is causing the rot. Your linky image also caught my eye. I am a cat person. I have a black cat myself.


  7. Oh, how lovely! I especially like the way you evoked the birdsongs. I could actually hear them in my head.

  8. Like others, I think you did a great job with sensory description, especially sound and smell. I loved how you did the bird sounds. I tried to voice aloud. I also went back and read the prologue, which does help explain this current setting.

    You've also made me very curious about the reasons she's returned and what she needs to fix. Well done setting description. Keep writing this one -- it feels alive:~)

  9. I absolutely adore that you went for two sides of both coins LOVE!

  10. Two sides of the same coin. Sigh. It's naptime at our house- that counts as an excuse, right? :)

  11. Great setting ... and I love the second portion with the repetition of the negative , which brings the reader back to the cold , harsh reality . Very effective .

  12. I love the bird calls and dripping leaves weaved into the descriptions, as you evoked many senses. Really liked this, Renee!

  13. Really liked your birds' song and this, "...sticky sweetness dripping down chubby cheeks and chins." And the contrast is striking.