She made me write stuff. Dozens of silly poems, and several years of journals. Old words on paper as brittle as I feel , and faded as my dreams.
Old, because one day I finally ignored her. Brittle, for I refused to write. Faded, as I didn't have the time. She kept putting words in my head, but I wouldn't make them solid anymore.
The thoughts, the characters, the stories. They still ricochet around my brain. They invade my dreams. They try to breathe in the dark. They beat at my forehead demanding to be freed.
Suddenly I want to give them life. I want to tell their stories. I want others to know them.
I've forgotten how to make that happen. I've lost the knowledge. I doubt myself. I can't do it.
I've lost my Muse. I catch the occasional glimpse. Under years of disuse. Behind stacks of excuses.
I traded the pens and pencils and crayons for a keyboard. The paper has become a computer screen. I wade through words and punctuation. I try to remember how this is done. I delete and backspace. I walk away. I come back. I read my words out loud. I delete. Retype.
Where is that Muse? She knew how to paint with words. Sprinkle punctuation like glitter. She didn't need spell check. Grammar was innate knowledge to her. She knew how many words were enough and how to stack them.
I used to have a Muse, if only I could find her.
My entry for Writer's Week Writing Contest I used prompt #15.
sometimes Muses are tricksy. She'll come back. Promise!
ReplyDeleteIf you find her, ask her if she's mine. Please? ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the entry and good luck!
Have you ever read Stephen King's On Writing? He describes the Muse as this lazy drunk sitting in the basement, and he doesn't get up for anyone. It's up to us writers to go to him, to do all the work. He says something like, "And why shouldn't we do all the work? He's the one with the magic." The Muse is moody and tricky and rarely shows up, but I guess it's up to us to be there, writing, when it makes an appearance :)
ReplyDeleteI'm always afraid that if I don't listen to my muse, she'll give up on me. When I ignore her for too long, it's like I have to work back into her good graces. Far easier to keep her happy than to ask forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteShe will be back, and with or without her, your writing is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI love your transparency- have I told you that before?
ReplyDeleteYour Muse showed up right here in this post, didn't she? Your words and descriptions are bold and poetic- a perfect balance. Well done, lady!