The prompt: Write a piece about a fight. What happened? Why? Who "won"? What were the repercussions?All of the young Nadan trained, daily. So daily, Naddnē was on the field with the young men. She had been there every day for eight years. Learning the arts of defense. With and without weapons.
Today she works alone. Works with her sword.
Step. Swing. Turn.
The blade sings through the air. She follows.
Turn. Swing. The blade, her arm. Step. Swing.
The blade plays currents of air like the strings of a harp. Swing. Turn.
A flash at the edge of her vision. Turn. Swing. Blade on blade. Ring. Step. Swing.
Blade slides on blade. Turn, swing. Blade plays on blade.
Naddnē realizes it is Baundl.
Step. He has bullied her for years.
Turn. The blade sings.
At six, the practice blade is too heavy. He taunts her. Too small. Too girl.
Step, step, swing.
At ten, he is faster. He chases her with his new steel blade. He shatters her practice blade.
Turn. Swing, step.
Last year, she receives her steel blade.
He laughs at it. The hilt is made for her smaller hand. It is balanced for her lesser weight. He calls it a baby blade.
Step, swing.
Step, sing.
Bloodsong.
The blade, her arm, her rage, one.
His blood.
Turn, swing, sing, step, swing.
Blade, arm, one, bloodsong.
Baundl sweats now. Retreats.
Naddnē swings her rage/blade/arm. One in the song. The blades meet, sing. Her blade demands. His blade no more than a thin shield.
Turn. Swing.
Baundl falls.
Step. Swing.
Blade on leather shield. Discordant. Rage.
The shield belongs to Dænl, her kindred. He has thrown it over Baundl to protect him from the death blow. The shield has split Baundl's lip.
She takes a breath, closes her eyes. The blade is quiet. She approaches Baundl as he regains his feet.
She speaks to him, "She sang for your blood."
He topples backward as Naddnē slams the flat of her blade against his swollen, dripping lip.
"It's only fitting that she have it"
This is a little more of the character from Prologue. Although this was originally posted in February, I've edited (a lot) for the prompt.
I love the repeated words. It creates a perfect picture of someone practicing with a sword without an actual sparring partner.
ReplyDeleteThe blade plays currents of air like the strings of a harp. Swing. Turn. >>I love this line!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you use swing turn throughout the piece. It really brings it to the mind. Very visual. I love the fantasy aspects of this as well.
This: "Naddnē swings her rage/blade/arm" jolted me out of the story a little. I actually like the idea of her blade being her rage. Perhaps you could choose just one, since it's a bit redundant after "The blade, her arm, her rage, one."
I also love that you have braved to write this in present tense, and you did it perfectly.
I love the structure of your piece. It has such rhythm and makes it flow beautifully. Almost like a song. Have you ever done fencing or martial arts? It sounds like you know what you are talking about!
ReplyDeletei love these characters and your storytelling. I have read a lot in this genre and it would be a pleasure to read a whole book about your characters. #justsayin :)
ReplyDeleteYou are an expert storyteller. I felt like I was in the scene with her, moving, sliding through the air. The grace of the fight contrasts beautifully with the ugliness of his defeat.
ReplyDelete@Carrie
ReplyDeleteThank you, I have a love of swords and Swordplay.
@Stephanie/The Drama Mama
ReplyDeleteThanks for the suggestion. I'll probably work dome on this later.
I really enjoyed the present tense. Had to proofread a lot though.
@Mommy Shorts
ReplyDeleteThank you, but nope, just several repeats of Conan the Barbarian movie. This is my favorite genre.
@Jenna
ReplyDeleteThank you, I keep telling myself to keep at it. Maybe someday a book will magically appear. Or maybe I'll have to really work on that. ;)
@angela
ReplyDeleteThank you. When I watch sword fight scenes, they always seem like a dance to me. I tried to get that.