Cobwebs

The cobwebs are thick in this space. So long since I've entered. 
More than two years of life and new responsibilities.
And death.

When I unintentionally abandoned this keeper of my words, I'd just begun a new job. Learning and trying not to stress over new things. Within the year I was fortunate to receive a promotion. More learning; and accepting I will always stress over new things. 

I kept the words in my head. After so long the voices got bored with the wait. They'd start a story, then forget to tell what came next. Not that I took the time to record all they said. Too many other things.

A year of continual car trouble. An air conditioner that stopped working.

Then a year ago my husband of thirty years was diagnosed with cancer. Bone cancer.

We went to all the appointments. Started all the new medications. Things seemed stable.

First part of this year,the furnace broke.

The roof needed replaced.

Those issues were attended to. The words were forgotten before I could write them.

Suddenly things were not so stable. The meds for the cancer not working. Switch to a new one.

The voices kept the stories to themselves.

We stumbled into summer. Saying to each other all the things that needed saying. That we wanted to make sure we said. Every day. Multiple times a day.

The past few months were exhausting for both of us. His pain increased almost daily. 
We cried together. We still found things to laugh about and clung to them. We said "I love you," every day. Multiple times a day.

Watching him in pain and unable to do anything to help was awful. I am eternally thankful to hospice care for the 24 hours nurses that final five days. The family and I would never have survived whole without them.

On August 7th, 2018, the battle ended. My husband passed peacefully at home with my daughter and I at his side.

There was sadness, and relief. The majority of grieving, we did together over the past year.

Now some time has passed. I hear the murmur in my head. 

I'll try now to find the time to listen and let the words return.

Farewell, Patricia

I received a message in my "other" box on Facebook. I seldom think to check there, so this message was three weeks old.  I didn't know the sender, but she asked if I was related to Patricia de Perez, as I had commented on a post she'd made. 

I answered no, not related just friends.

Her reply stunned me.  My friend had passed away, three weeks ago.  They were trying to locate her next of kin.

How did I miss her three week absence?  

Patricia was one of my first internet connects.  We followed each other on Twitter, when I finally succumbed to Facebook, we found each other there.

We shared a love for cats, often sharing pictures of our furbabies.  She was an advocate for shelter cats.

We liked and shared with each other many posts with mutually shared interests. She loved gardening and crafting.  She operated an online gift store.  She found beautiful pictures and put them on her Facebook wall.

Her sense of humor often made me giggle.

When I made a Facebook page for this blog, she liked it.  Patricia was often the first to "like" and comment on the page when I added a story. 

I never met her IRL. Now, I never will.  



Rest well my friend.  I miss you.