“Give me a memory of the color red. Do not write the word 'red' but use words that engender the color red when you hear them. For example: a ruby, a tomato, fire, blood.
Iridescent in the sunlight. Zipping about on emerald wings.
Flashing a throat patch of ruby sequins.
When he hovered in shadows, his patch sparkled still, so dark it was almost black. Like patent leather, the lack of direct light not hampering his glow.
Then a stray sunbeam would strike him, igniting his candy apple calling card.
I love the fact that you took to heart the suggestion to be brief in this prompt! This is just as long as it needs to be.
ReplyDeleteThe change in tense makes the reader feel like they are a camera-man, spotting the action from a distance before zooming when he hovered.
My favorite words are the last four "candy apple calling card"
Beautiful work!
@amybethinverness.com
ReplyDeleteThank you, I was really worried about the brevity. But anything else I thought of felt overdone.
beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteI love this!! You totally summed up his throat and colorful feathers in such short space. The descriptions are so very vivid too. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love that last line especially.
I was a little confused at first and then I went back and read the title and was all "a-ha!" Very clever indeed. Good job.
ReplyDeleteWhile this didn't feel like a memoir, I loved it nonetheless. What is it about hummingbirds? I am absolutely fascinated by them.
ReplyDeleteGreat take on the prompt.
I love that this is so brief, yet so vibrant.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite line, "Flashing a throat patch of ruby sequins." That is just lovely.
Just beautiful!
ReplyDelete@Jennifer
ReplyDeleteOh good, I wasn't the only one!
A good lesson to delay the instant gratification of diving right into the text and start with the title.
Your economic use of word kept this tight and conveyed the speed with which a hummingbird flutters its wings.
"candy apple calling card"
ReplyDeleteI love alliteration, and I'm not going to be shy about it.
On the whole, this is just lovely, a tiny, fluttering recollection.
And since you're familiar with my favorite writer's block buster, I'm going to tell you, I instantly started converting it into haiku. ;)
Anyone who has never really loved has never really lived.
ReplyDelete